The One Question I Will *Never* Ask You

There is one question I will not ask any of my clients. Ever.

“Why don’t you just…?”

How does it make you feel when someone asks you a question like that?

It’s not a wonderful feeling at all, right? And the question can’t even be seen as well-meaning.

The author of this article from Psychology Today has a pretty strong reaction that’s understandable. We don’t need to be that extreme when looking at that question ourselves, and we can take a step to see what’s happening here.

What place is this question coming from? A place of all-knowing, and all-seeing. The questioner has all the answers, and you just need to listen to them and heed their sage words.

The question lacks curiosity as well—there’s no presence there. No desire to be with the person in a moment of angst and trouble.

It can be like seeing someone’s house on fire, and pouring gasoline on it.

In terms of your career, here are three harmful things that one single question can do.

It pretends to have solved the problem. It says—I magically wave a wand and make your problem go away. Our problems and issues and concerns can’t be solved by merely speaking four words. It takes deep listening to hear and address your concerns, so we can work together toward the solution that works best for you.

It can be emotionally dismissive. The issues you may face in your career can be deep-seated, fraught with emotion. We can explore them in the confidential space a coaching session provides.

It can be judgmental. No one likes to be judged, and “why don’t you just” does it. The question says: “You should have done that this way, the right way.” It can lead to shame, and putting up a roadblock to where you are trying to go in your journey.

As a coach, I work hand-in-hand with you to map your journey. I’m curious about you and where you are in your career journey, and where you want to be. When I sit with you, I see possibility for you and your life.

Powerful Alternatives

How can we counteract that horrible question, though? Here are three better questions I can ask you, as a coach, to guide our journey together.

What would you like to be experiencing MORE OF in your career? This can be an eye-opener. Are you looking for a less-strenuous commute? More time with your family? Could a more flexible work environment be the right thing for you to seek?

If you were to fully have the career you want, what is the first change you would make? You can take a step back, and see your career from a fresh perspective. What could I really do with what I have, and what I know?

What would it look like to you if the situation you were facing were resolved? Could I really ask for that promotion or that raise? Or, is now the right time for me to launch the business I’ve been dreaming of? Can I have more time, better time, with my family?

These questions—and many, many more—are about expanding possibilities for you. And you will be working in the space of a judgement-free zone. When I’m there with you, I’m helping you understand what you seek you achieve not just in your career, but also in your life as well.

What questions can you ask that can expand your possibilities in your career? Let me know in the comments below. Do you need support in finding the right questions, so you can find the right answers? I invite you to schedule a call, and let’s answer them together.

I’m Richard Taliaferro. I’m a certified career and health coach, trained in habit change, specializing in helping mid-stage professionals gain clarity on their career and health journeys. I invite you to click on the link, and let’s talk about how I can support you.